My son's birthday party

We had a 2nd birthday party today for our son and I was looking at the videos we took to commemorate the day. I have such a negative self-image that it was almost ok to look at the video. I can recognize that I need to lose weight but can see that it isn't as overwhelming as it feels in my head. It actually makes me feel more frustrated with myself in some ways because I think if I would just stay on track better I could be done in less than six months. C'mon Amy! I can do this!

Stealing this from Vicki!

I just read Vicki's entry that she is going to walk/run 100 miles before her anniversary on the 8th of October. My birthday is the 18th of October and I'm going to walk/run 100 miles before then! Such a great, concrete goal to hit.
My vacation was actually pretty good in terms of weight. I didn't lose anything, but didn't gain either! Still have a loss going for this month so I'm just trying to add to it before the month is over!!

Vacation for a week......

So we're leaving Tuesday morning to go to Boston for a college friend's wedding. I'm a little concerned about maintaining good eating. It's always so hard when we're not at home but I'm going to do the best that I can. I'm not a big protein bar eater, but might bring some with just to prevent eating poorly when I don't have a lot of choices.
We're also traveling with our little ones (23 months old and 4 months old). I'm not too excited about that part of the trip. It's hard enough for me to be out of my routine....it's way harder for them. Also, have you ever attended a wedding with two babies? Of course none of our college friends with children will be there so we won't be able to commiserate with anyone. The wedding doesn't start until 6:30pm and we have no friends or family in Boston (other than the bride) so have no one to leave the kiddos with to avoid bringing babies to an evening wedding. I might need a vacation from this vacation!

Great Start!

Last week I lost 2.5 lbs. I'll take it!
This month I have really focused more on eating clean. It's amazing how much easier it is for me to say no to junk when I'm eating well. I'm also starting to read The New Rules of Lifting For Women and have to say it's all resonating so much with me. There is a lot of information and many studies to back up their conclusions, which I really like. I am starting the actual workout program tomorrow and can't wait! I'll let you know how it goes. There is also a diet portion in the book but I feel pretty good with what I have going so am going to stick with it.

Pit in my stomach

I sucked so badly in July. Really. Really. Badly. Wait...is it bad or badly? Anyway, you get the point.
Since I weighed myself this morning and saw that I lost absolutely nothing in the month of July, I can't stop thinking about it. I have excuses, oh yes I do. I developed runner's knee in my left knee that prevented me from running (or walk/jogging...who am I kidding?). I also had a million of those days that go like this "Ok, today you can eat this cookie but tomorrow you're done. I mean it this time. Tomorrow there will be no cheese, no coffees, and no sugar."  And you can guess what happens the next day.
So I keep wondering how I can want something so much and not do what I know it takes to get there. I'm starting to think I've made myself so many promises and broken them that I don't even believe myself. So how do I get that back? The only answer I have is to make myself a promise and stick to it. It really isn't that hard, right? I've lost weight before, I know how to do it. I'm just so sad to have to do it again. Ug! I always maintained my loss until I got pregnant with my son and really just got out of control but thought it would all just fall off after he was born. Um, not so much.
So, here's to a new month. Here's to rebuilding the trust I've lost and hoping that this time next month I'll have a giant smile across my face and a few less dimples on my ass. ;)

Perfect Day...bite me

So much for that! I think I set myself up for failure. Friday was my 2nd perfect day in a row. We went out for dinner that night to an Italian restaurant and my food choices were less than stellar. They weren't bad, I did the best with what I had to work with on the menu, but I knew it wasn't 'perfect' which set me up for not perfect days for the last 3 in a row. I even ate Annie's chocolate bunny crackers with my toddler today for goodness sake!
I'll be lucky if I make it out of July with any weight loss at all. I'm bummed about it, but know August is a new beginning. I'm prepping for that new beginning with some new plans for eating and actually scheduling my workouts. I've lost 15 lbs since the middle of May so I've gotten a taste of it. I'm just dying to really get the ball rolling again and wish I could understand why I sabotage myself so well. Gotta figure it out.

One Perfect Day!

I started thinking about how there aren't too many days left in this month and planning what I was going to do to make them count. Yeah, that never works for me. So, rather than look into the future, I'm only looking at right now.
Yesterday morning I woke up and told myself that today I would eat perfectly, drink 128 oz of water and workout. Every time I was tempted by something I shouldn't have, I'd repeat 'one perfect day' and it worked. I went to bed a total success. Today was perfect day #2. I think I might be on to something....:)