Damn scale

I need to put my scale away. I'm finding that my amount of determination is directly correlated to what the scale is telling me. Granted, it hasn't moved that much this month, but it has been just enough to keep me feeling good.

I started running last week. Yep, running! Since that is more physical exertion than I had been putting out, I expected a loss. What have I got? Nothing. Not even a half a pound this week. What are you guys doing to keep yourself motivated? Staying away from the scale? It hasn't gotten to the point where I'm weighing myself before and after going to the bathroom to see if it changed (oh, don't judge me - like you've never done that!) but I do feel myself getting a little too attached to that damn thing.

Feeling pretty good

So, I have been pretty focused on the competition part of this....competition and letting it stress me out a bit.  I could choose to continue to focus on whether or not I've lost enough weight to be doing well compared to the rest of you, but tonight I just feel pretty proud of myself and am choosing to focus on what I've done for me, regardless of whether I win or lose anything. This month I have:

• tracked my food, every day. honestly.
• exercised at least 5 days a week
• tried the Fit 2B Mom workout class (kicked my butt, but I'm going back!)
• chose to exercise (Jillian's 30 day shred) today during my little ones' nap time, rather than sleeping with them

A month ago I felt out of control. I was eating every time I walked into the kitchen and not really paying attention to how much I was putting in my mouth. I was hesitant to change my ways because I thought it would be too hard. After cleaning up my diet, I don't have cravings for all the crap I was eating and feel in control of my future. Totally exciting and today I really feel hopeful, proud, and excited to know I can do this, regardless of how I stack up in this competition!

Random

Great start to the week! I have a few random thoughts to share:

Kristen from Fit 2B Moms came to my son's playgroup a few weeks ago. She does stroller-based fitness classes for moms which totally defeats my 'no time to exercise because I have two little ones' excuse. I'm a little intimidated because I know I'm pretty out of shape, but I'm biting the bullet and trying her class tomorrow. Yay for me! ;) She offers the first three classes for free and 1/2 off your first month. Very excited to have some social exercise.

I am IN LOVE with the MorningStar Spicy Chipotle Black Bean Burgers. They are yum-my! 120 calories per burger which I put on a 100 cal sandwich thin with lettuce, pickles, tomato and 1 tbsp of light sour cream (20 calories)....pair it with a salad drizzled with a little balsamic vinegar and it's a totally filling lunch for around 250 calories!!

Last random thought to share: I can see why Betheny Frankel made $150 Mil from Skinnygirl Margaritas. My good friend twisted my arm (wink wink) this weekend and made me try it. Seriously, I'm not a big drinker and know it's just a bunch of empty calories (especially when you're in a competition!) but if you MUST imbibe and like margaritas, you must try it! 100 calories for a 4oz margarita!!! Hello!

Food for thought (less calories that way)

I've been thinking all day about what my long term goals are and what I really want to accomplish with this competition. First, I want to win some money! ;) Just kidding, well...kind of. 

First and foremost, I really want to be a role model for my kids.  Ok, scratch that! Good or bad, I AM a role model for my kids.  I want to give them the best start in life and that includes eating well and exercising. I can't expect them to do it if I'm not. Secondly, I want to feel really good about my body and what it is capable of doing. 

So, what am I hoping to accomplish? Here are my main goals:

1. Lose 35-40 lbs by the end of the competition and in order for that to happen, I need to:

a. Continue to write down everything I put into my mouth and stay within my range for the day

b. exercise at least 5 days a week

And what could possibly keep me from meeting those goals, you ask?

1. I have a 21 month old and a 2 month old that I stay home with so I have no time to myself during the day to exercise. I am with a baby 24/7 (is that all one excuse?) lol

2.  It's summer and too hot to exercise outside during the day.

3. It takes too long to prepare healthy meals

4. Due to excuse #1, I am so tired! By the end of the day, all the motivation I had earlier in the day to exercise is completely gone.

5. I'm exclusively breastfeeding my 2 month old and am so scared of overdoing it and losing my milk. Also related to that, I get really frustrated because I am NOT one of those women who loses weight from just breastfeeding. My body holds onto those love handles for dear life! With my first baby, I dropped 10 lbs when I stopped breastfeeding him.

So, what can I do to squash these excuses?

1. I have a double jogging stroller, and have been using it to take the babies with me.

2. I can rearrange my schedule to get the kids out of the house early enough to avoid the heat of the day. It also helps break up our mornings.

3. One thing I started doing last week that I'm continuing is making one giant salad and storing it in the fridge. I can eat salad with lunch for more volume and have salad pre-made for dinner to avoid going to higher calorie sides. I've also been throwing extra chicken breasts on the grill when I cook for dinner and eating them for lunches, much less prep time!

4. Either exercise in the morning or force myself to get it done before bed. Our family room in the basement is right next to our workout area so my treadmill and weight bench stare at me the whole time I'm watching tv on my butt. 

5. So far, so good. I've been doing awesome with my diet and exercise and haven't had any problems feeding my daughter. I think as long as I don't take it too far, I'll be ok.

So, that's my story! I think I'll revisit this entry often to keep me on track. The one thing I kept realizing as I put this list together is I really have a bunch of lame excuses that I can't say are more important to me than my health! (oh yeah, and seeing my a@@ in a cute pair of jeans). Happy Wednesday!!

Where am I?

I weighed myself this morning and I've lost weight for the first week. I should be celebrating! Instead, all the negative thoughts are flooding my mind.
Can I keep this up? Followed by I should be doing more than I am and I don't think I'm losing enough to win anything and I HATE to lose...yes I realize that's not what it's all about but this is a competition! :)
Here's the ugly truth. I don't like to do things that I'm not really good at. Yep, totally true. I hate feeling mediocre. I hate it if I am not instantly the best. So, it kills me to know I'm out of shape and can't just get up and run 5 miles. And I hate the idea of the work it will take to be able to do it. It's humbling, totally humbling!
Another thought....I need to get away from thinking that not exercising or eating right is a 'treat'. Where does that come from? I think that's why I'm so funky right now. I feel like I'm depriving myself which is infuriating because everything I have been doing is to take care of myself.
Speaking of taking care of myself...here's what's worked for the first week: eating basically the same thing every day. Puffed kashi & blueberries for breakfast, lean cuisine & salad for lunch, banana & a tsp of peanut butter for a snack or greek yogurt and berries, then whatever I've made for my family for dinner but morphed into a salad...if I'm still hungry I'll have microwave popcorn or a protein bar in the evening. It's still a little tricky to figure out how much to eat while breastfeeding, but I'm working on it. I'm planning on moving away from the lean cuisines/prepackaged lunches but have a few in the freezer that need to be eaten. I think I'm going to grill a bunch of chicken breasts this weekend and cut them up for sandwiches next week. How about the rest of you? What are you eating?

Love this!

I just read a quote that is quickly becoming my mantra:

"Never trade what you really want for what you want right now."


I am on fire! I'm not sure if the scale is going to reflect the heat, but I have been ON! As I said, I really do think those before pics were a wake-up call for me. I have had 4 days of clean eating without a single slip-up. Every time I think I want to eat something I know I shouldn't, I repeat that quote above and it gives me strength. It just totally resonated with me.

Next area to tackle is my exercise. Yes, I had a baby 7 weeks ago....but I'm ready to go. I have been doing 2 miles of fast walking every day for weeks now. I am tempted to start running this week, but had a really sore SI joint for the last part of my pregnancy (where I couldn't walk without being in pain and wasn't able to stand on my right leg to put my pants on!). It has been feeling better, but I think I might need some physical therapy to get it back to 100%. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow so will ask about it then.

That brings me to my next thought. My husband and I talked about exercise yesterday. He is a runner. He's 6'3" and built like a runner. He's always done a lot of running. Me.....I have been completely inconsistent and would never consider myself a runner, but I want to be! I think it's the best exercise, you don't need a gym membership and you can just step outside your door to get a good workout.  I've done 5Ks, a 10K and a 1/2 marathon (which I power walked most of, so hold the applause). Yesterday my dear husband told me that he thinks my 'problem' is I always look at it as working out instead of just making exercise a part of my life. He's right. I exercise to meet a goal because I hate it. I think I just try to do too much too fast because I want to get to the point where I actually enjoy it. Then I get burned out and think of reasons to get out of it.
So, this time I've decided I am going to become a runner, but at my own pace. I am going to start with the Couch to 5K program and just take my time. No deadlines, just me and a desire to work toward what I really want!

Ug!

I mean that in a good way, I think. I took my 'before' photos yesterday and sent them to Kari for the weight loss competition. It was such an eye opener! I've been telling myself that even though I know how much I weigh, I just carry it well. Hello! Seeing the photos made me realize I'm not carrying it as well as I thought!  It's a good thing, though. It helps me realize how important it is that I stay motivated and get rid of it because I can't fool myself anymore. I also feel totally embarrassed that I actually look like that. I almost apologized to my husband last night for it. I decided not to because I do need to make this journey different. No telling him 'This time I'm serious.' or 'I just need you to help me stay on track.' It needs to be about me and I need to hold myself responsible and show him I can do this. 

The hard part is not letting the weight totally overwhelm me. It just feels like I have such a big journey ahead of me. I'm just trying to break it down day by day and not think too far ahead. Slow and steady wins the race (and the money, hopefully!) lol

So I started thinking about the last time I was successful at losing weight and what I did to make it happen. A few things worked for me that I'm going to try doing again. The biggest one was eating the same things every day. Sounds boring, but it worked. I might switch it up a little bit but the meals will remain basically the same for a few weeks. The other thing is doing cardio 5 day a week and strength training 3 days a week. Now, last time I was only 21 years old and didn't have a 21 month old and a 7 week old to keep me busy. This time I am including my kids in my cardio by doing it with them in the double stroller every afternoon and the strength training I can do after they are in bed. I really have no excuses....I have an awesome treadmill, free weights (barbell & dumbbells), weight bench, giant mirror, exercise bands, stability ball and big screen tv in my basement. There's no reason I can't exercise! 

So, here goes nothing! I'm going to use this blog as my personal journal so I'll apologize now for the rambling....but I want to record everything I'm thinking as I go along to remember all of it!